Reminiscing about Haiti...and looking forward to next week!

My little Belchina from our feeding program 

Along the streets of Haiti...

I can't believe it's actually happening!! I am finally going back to Haiti, my other home. I can hardly wait to get back there, see all the people that God has always given me such a heart for, eat the chicken, rice & beans (and pates...nom nom), speak Creole with them again, spread the love of Jesus to everyone we come in contact with, and be used by God in some awesome ways! I can't wait to see all that God will do in the hearts of all of my teammates.

I started looking back on all of my old photos and reminiscing about all of the good times, and the hard times, that I experienced in Haiti...none of which would I ever take back. It was the most incredible thing to have such a peace all throughout everything we experienced. God was always there, always directing us, always watching over us...even when we should have (literally) gone crazy and freaked out with all of the danger surrounding us for weeks on end, we didn't. He is the reason that we are still alive today. He is the reason that we are okay.

A woman and her infant from Cite Soleil, one of the worst slums in the world, that came to us a week after the earthquake after they'd lost everyone and everything.

Some of my feeding program kiddos

Our wall & the house right behind us after the earthquake

Our girls from our orphanage. 

Daphne, our little girl from our orphanage who got hit by the rubble falling during the quake

Love her!

Struck down but not destroyed

Isaiah 60

Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. For behold, darkness will cover the earth, and deep darkness the peoples; But the Lord will rise upon you, and his glory will appear upon you. Nations will come to your life, and kings to the brightness of your rising. Lift up your eyes round about and see; they all gather together, they come to you. Your sons will come from afar, and your daughters will be carried in your arms. Then you will see and be radiant, and your heart will thrill and rejoice; because the abundance of the sea will be turned to you, the weatlth of the nations will come to you.

To be honest, this past year in the states has been a struggle.  As wonderful as San Diego is, it isn't home to me anymore.  Haiti is my home.  And I think that me and anyone else who knows me at all would say the same exact thing.  Ever since I was 17, the people of Haiti have captured my heart, and though I don't know what He has planned for me next, I know that He will show me.  I would never take back my return to the states, because I know that I needed to rest.  However, I am now getting to a place where I know that God is preparing me for something more.  It's when God brings us to that completely broken state, that He can finally begin to show us what He really wants.  So it would mean the world to me if you would begin praying for me that God would show me what He wants, and when He wants it.  I love you all so much.

Christ.our deepest need.

   "I remember saying one summer, "What I really need is a trip to the ocean." So I went to the beach, but the ocean seemed to say,'It is not in me!" The ocean did not do for me what I thought it would. Then I said, "Perhaps the mountains will provide the rest I need." I went to the mountains, and when I awoke the first morning, I gazed at the magnificent mountain I had so longed to see. But the sight did not satisfy, and the mountain said, It is not in me!"
    What I really needed was the deep ocean of God's love, and the high mountains of His truth within me. His wisdom had depths and heights that neither the ocean nor the mountains could contain and that could not be compared with jewels, gold, or precious stones. Christ is wisdom and He is our deepest need. Our inner restlessness can only be pacified by the revelation of His eternal friendship and love for us."
-Margaret Bottome, Excerpt from "Streams in the Desert" 


I find myself trying to do this so often- trying to fill that need by getting my vanilla soy lattes, or going on a walk along the ocean, or hanging out with friends, and although these are all things that are meant to be enjoyed, they, in the end, don't fill me up. They don't fill that void. In the end, i always realize (it's an ever constant learning process for me!) that Christ is all that truly fulfills me.

"Forgotten God"

I love this quote made by Francis Chan in one of his most recent books, "Forgotten God," that says, "If I were Satan and my ultimate goal was to thwart God’s kingdom and purposes, one of my main strategies would be to get churchgoers to ignore the Holy Spirit.”  This quote should be such a wake-up call to us, because how much do we forget about the Holy Spirit because we're so distracted by everything else going on around us? 

Also, Christ told his disciples in John 16:7 "But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."  In "Forgotten God," he wanted us to recognize the fact that Christ is telling His disciples that it's actually better for us to have the Holy Spirit, our Counselor, with us instead of Jesus himself in physical form.  When Christ was on earth, let's face it, life was pretty awesome for everyone who knew Him.  So if he's saying that it's actually better that we have the Counselor to guide us rather than Christ in physical form, then life for us should be pretty incredible and challenging!  So with that said, i have been really challenged by what he's saying in this book, because honestly, when i think back on the times when i am really listening to the Holy Spirit, it really is the greatest adventure ever, and by far the most amazing and impactful times ever for both me and the others around me.

Trusting God in Everything...

Why is it sometimes so hard for us to just trust God in our lives?  Why can't we just trust who He says He is, and what He says He will do without doubting and worrying so much?  He says that He'll direct us, and give us peace in all things that are honoring and pleasing to Him, so why don't we just always believe it?   I think we make life so much harder on ourselves when we worry and don't just hand everything over to God!  I mean really, let's think about it, in all honesty, who should we trust more- ourselves or God?  I'd like to go with the second option(!) because He's so much smarter than me and sees EVERYTHING, whereas I only see what I know so far...  This past month of being in the states, God has really been showing me how to do just that- trust Him!  No matter what obstacles and decisions come up, I know that if I'm looking to Him and sitting at His feet (which is truly the most refreshing thing ever!), He will guide me and give me peace!  So i would encourage all of you to just sit at the feet of Jesus more and more, because HE is where our true joy will come from.  He loves us so much and wants us to experience life to the fullest with Him!  Let's make time for Him, because He loves us so much and wants the best for us.  I would encourage you to trust Him in all of the little and big things in your lives, because He cares so much!

Psalm 145

 ¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,

       and you give them their food at the proper time.

 ¹⁶ You open your hand
       and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

 ¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all his ways
       and loving toward all he has made.

 ¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
       to all who call on him in truth.

 ¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
       he hears their cry and saves them.

Cindy

You know those moments when you think, 'now this is why i'm here, and this makes it all worth it.'  Well, i had one of those moments the other night when i was reading a bedtime story to Cindy.  i was reading to her about 3 little cats, and she was half closing her eyes and trying to fall asleep (although how could she with such an exciting story about 3 cats?!), and she wrapped her arms tightly around my arm and told me that she never wanted me to leave her side.  She wanted me to stay with her forever.
Now you have to understand that Cindy is one of our girls who, for years she despised physical touch and would never say "i love you" to anyone.  When they first got her from Cite Soleil after we found out her parents wanted to throw her away, she would bite and scratch anyone who tried to show her love.  All of the people that worked with her would just continue to hold her even though she continued to resist being held.  Now, she is a walking miracle.  And it's all because of what Christ has done in her life.  She is now one of the most cuddly children that we have (with certain people that she knows and can trust) at our home, and she has told me multiple times that she loves me, and will often now be the one to come up to me and others who live here and hug us and rub our backs!  She is such an incredible testimony of what Christ's love can do! 

Sadness creeping in!

I can't believe i only have 2 weeks left until i go to the states for my furlough.  even though i'm so excited to see all of you again and enjoy carpeted floors, comfy couches, my starbucks iced vanilla soy lattes, being able to go wherever whenever i want, go to coffee shops and read for hours on end, etc. etc., i'm really starting to get sad that i'm not going to be seeing all of my kids here at the orphanage for awhile!  

My roommates and i have just recently began meeting one on one with each of our girls in the orphanage to do weekly Bible studies with them, and it has been such an incredible blessing (one in which just accepted Christ into her heart this week!) for both us and the girls, and i really hate the thought of having to leave them and not be able to really be there for them to see them grow in the Lord in the next few months!  i will just have to really be praying for them while i'm away, in hopes that the Lord will continue to do an incredible work on their hearts, which I am confident that He will!  

Recently i have been feeling so blessed and honored that God has specifically called me to come and work here among the orphans of Haiti.  i read those books about missionaries who dedicate their lives to working with the orphans and widows, and i just feel so blessed that i am able to do what they talk about and be able to be with these children daily and see their ups and down's and hug them when they're having a bad day and be able to pray with them and minister to them and show them who Christ is.  please be praying as God continues to show me how i can more specifically minister to them.  i need daily wisdom in this!  already He has given me a greater vision of what He wants from me, which is such an encouragement to me.  it really helps me focus my attention more on His desires for me as i reach out to these children and the many teams that come through here.  so thank you for your unending prayers!  

This past week God has really been challenging me to get out of my comfort zone and try new things, such as preach at our muTch (which stands for "Meals and Uncompromised Truth to the Children of Haiti) feeding program, and it has been so incredible seeing how Christ moves when i simply obey Him and act out of faith instead of comfort.  

The greatest struggle of a missionary is not the discomforts of living, the heat, the lack of safety, or being away from family and friends (although that can be pretty hard at times!), but it is the struggle of feeling like we'll never be enough and never be able to do enough for all of the broken, lonely, starving people that we come in contact with every day.  

I've realized though, that God never asked us to be enough for everyone.  He only asks that we do our best, and leave the rest up to Him.